book

If you follow me on the socials, you know that I received my first copy of six to carry the casket and one to say the mass, my first book. It was a moment that I was excited for, but I didn’t anticipate the emotions that would follow. And I really didn’t anticipate the response from friends, family, and strangers alike who shared their enthusiasm and support. I’ve also learned that, apparently, I have kept news of this project “under wraps,” and a lot of folx didn’t know anything about it. So, this post is a little different. Instead of my typical reflection, I am providing some info about my book. 

What’s it about?

It’s a collection of essays about identity–the identities we’re given and what we do with them. Part I, “origins,” explores my formative relationships and experiences. Part II, “tradition,” considers how I took the reins to shape myself and the world around me. Part III, “pride,” celebrates many of the people, books, TV shows, films, and places that impacted my queer identity. 

I didn’t intend to write a book. See, I hit a rough patch. A very rough patch. A lot of grief and a really difficult job contributed to burnout. Thinking it was just a self-imposed sabbatical, I left my work in schools and gave myself a year to do nothing. Well, to heal and rebuild, but otherwise, nothing. Well, to heal, rebuild, move to Seattle, and get married…but otherwise, nothing. I started writing as a personal exercise, both to process the grief that came with the deaths of my parents and sister and to explore what led me to Burnout City in the first place. This, I thought, would help me recover and prepare me for my return to schools. 

Then 2020 happened. I started writing about the things I was consumed thinking about–sure, I felt the weight of the previously unimaginable grief and chaos that came with the pandemic and the hard truths about the world and about myself that I’d ignored for too long, but I also was more acutely aware of my need to cultivate hope, to excavate happy memories along with the tragic ones, to find joy. I found a lot of energy thinking about my queer identity, and the experiences that helped me shape my self-understanding as a gay man, as a queer person. I also started my consulting practice and started sharing reflections in my sorta-weekly newsletter. 

At some point, I stepped back and saw a throughline to most of my writing, though I wasn’t sure what that throughline was, exactly, and the book started to build itself. When I tried to pursue a literary agent or publisher, I was lucky to stumble into the arms of Peanut Butter Publishing, and my editor, Danielle Harvey, helped me not only to refine what I’d written but also reorganize the essays in a way that revealed the throughline: identity, the identity that my family gave me, the identity that I’m trying to build, and the experiences that inform my queer identity.

Umm…the title is a little long, don’t you think? 

The title comes from an essay in the book about my mother. Though we grew up in a neighborhood with numerous large families, a sprawling brood was still a conversation starter. When someone turned to her in disbelief to confirm, “Did you say you have...ten children?” (which people did, and frequently) she’d lean in and reply, with a half-cocked eyebrow, “They’re from my husband’s first marriage.” Curiously, three sisters among the brood didn’t seem to surprise folks, but seven sons—that was notable. “Well, God gave me seven sons for a reason. Six to carry the casket, and one to say the mass.” I was the seventh son, and by the time I was conscious, it was clear that the first six were not headed to seminary. When I declared myself a religious studies major, she didn’t object the way we’re told parents are supposed to react to majors that don’t directly lead to a paycheck. Instead, I think she saw it as a prophecy coming to fruition. 

Any other details you wanna share about the book?

The cover is a photograph by Joel Avery, a friend and former colleague who is a talented photographer and poet. I reached out to him about options, and I was immediately drawn to “Pink Chair.” As much as it’s a mess of a scene, it felt familiar to me–a place of stillness amidst a swirl of images, objects in varying degrees of deconstruction, and passersby on the sidewalk and street. I almost felt like I’d been sitting in that chair to rest, to look at my world, to unpack it, to figure out what to leave behind and what to keep.

My author’s photo on the back of the book is taken by Holly Stevens. We spent a lovely morning (well, grey and sprinkly, but lovely by winter-in-Seattle standards) walking around Fremont (my neighborhood in Seattle). She captured this one in front of the Fremont Troll, my favorite local monument. If you’re ever in Seattle on Halloween, come visit the Troll–it’s his birthday, and Trolloween is just one of those only-in-Seattle experiences.  

Will you be promoting it?

Thanks for asking! Yes! I’ll keep this blog and my website up-to-date with any connected events, and my first official book promotion event is BookFest–a free, livestream event with programs for readers (Saturday, April 5) and writers (Sunday, April 6). BookFest brings together a diverse range of speakers and attendees, offering insights and ideas on everything from writing craft to book marketing and technology. I’m participating in a discussion with a group of authors with new and forthcoming books on BookFest’s first day at noon. Interested? Find more info and sign up on the BookFest website, or join the livestream on the Books That Make You YouTube channel.

A marketing push will pick up in April, but I’m also hoping that word of mouth will reach the eyes and ears that other marketing efforts miss. Ok, that wasn’t as subtle a hint as I’d hoped, so I’ll just say: I’d love your help with this. If you are interested in the book, please consider preordering a copy (especially if it’s from your local bookstore or a queer-, women-, or BIPOC-owned bookstore). If you know anyone who might be interested, let them know. I’ll be posting occasional updates on social media, so if you’re on Instagram, Facebook, or BlueSky, I’d appreciate the occasional “like,” forward, or repost. If you are connected to a bookstore or other organization that might be interested in any kind of collaboration–an author chat, a book signing, a panel, a 1:1 conversation, or even just selling a few copies–I’d appreciate it! 

When and where is it available?

July 8! You can preorder it now at Pathway, Allstora, Barnes & Noble, Amazon, or ask at your local bookstore.    

Any questions for your readers?

Oh, hmm…yeah. What do you want to know about the book? Would seeing an excerpt or two be interesting? Wanna hear me read an excerpt or a whole essay on Instagram Live? Oh, gosh. If I did Instagram Live, would you join?

Oh, and not really a question but a statement. Whether we met as friends or colleagues, as clients or collaborators, or whether we haven’t met at all, I’m grateful that we’re connected. Thanks for reading.